There I am!

I was still trying to take control of all the things I wish to achieve this year, well, at least start to make sense of some of them. It wasn’t until this week when I’d had a lot of re-arranging to do ( furniture, rooms, hobbies) that the de-cluttering process that I was fighting to continue decided to lend its own hand. Questions popped into my head saying things like ‘ what on earth do you need this for?’ as I was rearranging part of my ‘library’. It, that awe-ful (maybe awesome?) conscience bit of me, was taking control of my thoughts. The worse thing was – it was OK, really OK for the first time in my life and I smiled as I once again threw out more ‘stuff’. What a wonderful feeling! Not only that but losing a bit more ‘stuff’ made way for other things in my life, my creativity for example.

During the reorganisation and somewhere between Art, English studies and Spirituality I found the literary pocket of my brain hiding in the corner of the bookshelf twisting a finger in her hair and rocking gently. She looked up at me, smiled as if she knew I was coming and pointed to a large blue ringbinder laying horizontally on the bottom shelf. I looked cautiously not knowing what to expect, opened the folder slowly and there sat Conscience grinning at me and offering a piece of purple paper – Assignment 3 – Oh bother! ‘Over £300 you have three years to go, a year out is quite common, time to pick it up again!’ She was right. I haven’t picked up pen and paper for well over a year and I had paid a lot of money for a writing course. I’d let it slide among all the stuff, hidden and neglected at the back of my mind.

As if that was bad enough, I had lost the aforementioned assignment during all the reshuffling and I needed to find my organisational head to be able to locate student numbers, email addresses to make contact again in order to request a copy of the number four assignment. Far too easy to just ignore and store it away for another day but there is something about decuttering that makes room for these other things to take place. Things like completing forgotten tasks, putting papers into some sense of order and generally making things ‘right’. A scary thought came into my head… don’t old people do that? You know what I mean.. ‘I love visiting Grandma, all her photo’s are in books and not in jumbled boxes’ that kind of stuff.. I must be getting old! Oh dear!

I actually achieved the whole thing, apart from the reply of course, but I set up everything to pick up where I left off as soon as I get the paper. The writer in me was stirring wildly at the bottom of the murky pool but in coming to surface, unhindered by clutter, she is grasping at the lifeline being offered. A sense of satisfaction is creeping over me as all these little parts of me begin to merge and congratulate each other with grins and a great deal of patting on the back. Heavens, I’d even resurrected my Twitter Account, such organisation going on here.

Not bad for January, I’ve finished one and read another book and am well on time with my reading quest – a minimum of 12 books for 2014. Less time playing games and more on productive things like art and writing. What a waste of time! I like to think that this is the true beginning of this year and so far it has been a great success. Not least for the thoughts and ideas that have inspired me since I started decluttering my home, nor for the achievements, small as they are, that I am proud to have completed but more for the change in me as a whole person. Am I just accepting this new age? I think I can say it now – retirement… My forced retirement always left me with a hope that I might be able to go back to teaching but now slipping well into ‘past retirement age’ I am able to accept that the past is gone, look forward to a new future… Chucking out my resources at the beginning of the month gave me permission to let go of all the things that have held me back.  The nicest thing in the world was said to me just this week and confirmed my place in the world. This new era of retired, a Grandma, a lady with time to enjoy doing the things I always planned to do has me grabbing my pen and writing those wonderful words. Spoken by my 3 1/2year old grand daughter Millie  “Grandma, you are my best friend.” I think I’ve arrived!

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