Postaday2011: A Thank You.

I awoke in the night with another sore throat indicating the beginning of yet another cold. The sixth since New Year now! Is it ever going to end? Anyway, despite a lack of sleep that leaves me with very little workable brain power and a writer’s block as big as a house, I decided to blog about Mother’s Day. Now I know I risk sacrificing intelligent, or in my case at the moment, semi-intelligent communication rife with lovey, dovey clichés and all the trappings of a commercial enterprise  that serves little else than to relieve us of our hard-earned cash. Well after thinking on Suzi’s beautiful blessingway support yesterday, there is no way I can write on Mother’s Day itself.

Mother’s Day is traditionally a day where motherhood is acknowledged and ok it is a beautiful thing to do. However, for me as a mother to eight children, it is a time for me to reflect on my children, after all, without them I wouldn’t be a mother at all. One year I sent messages to all my children thanking them for being my children. I know they had little choice, but that depends upon belief, but we spent a lot of years together and I want to look at it all from a slightly different angle because I believe we should be thanking our children for putting up with us.

I was unlucky enough not have any support from family when I had my first son at sixteen but I was blessed with being the eldest of seven and knew a lot about babies. David and I learned together how to be a family, a delightful little boy, with the biggest smile in the world, put up with all my mistakes. I mean, the first baby has to! we have no idea of all the emotions and things we have to do to take care and integrate a child into a relationship. The new mother is learning on her first-born. Any mistakes and he’s the one that continues to smile and adore his mummy through them all. I must have done alright because he has grown into a fine intelligent man with amazing talents, not only that his children have also tremendous gifts too, but that’s another story.

By the time my second son was born, on Mother’s day March 12th 1972, I was an old hand and he benefitted from everything I had learned on my first born. Simon was again a happy smiling child who developed a real closeness with nature, his siblings will remember him catching lizards and butterflies and forever getting into scrapes as he did so. They will all smile at Simon’s choice of lifestyle a little while ago, a free spirit living close to nature is such a lovely way of describing him.

 

My marriage broke up when the boys were young and I remarried, my third son burst into the world with a yell and he didn’t stop for years. Scott  was a very lively, intelligent boy with a very strong will. It was like learning to be a mother all over again because the two older lads were so good.  I pulled my hair out many times but whatever I did somewhere along the way he became a really super young man, he works hard and plays hard, I look at his success in life and think, I must have done ok despite the tempestuousness of his baby years.

My first daughter was born on Bonfire night, November the fifth, my father’s birthday. She was welcomed with open arms and thankfully was a well-behaved baby. Once again an intelligent child who has succeeded in life and mostly I have to say on her own initiative. You see, I had no idea how to be a mother. I loved every second it but I didn’t know how to support my children’s education, make sure we saved for their future. I came from a slum background, a dysfunctional family where love was not high priority, especially not demonstrative love. I look at everything she has achieved and I am so proud of her, she taught me so much and all I had to offer her was my love.

At the same time that Laura came into our lives her older sister Samantha, my husband’s daughter from his first marriage, came to join the family. So having my first daughter became easier in one respect because as an older sister, she was so helpful. Sam was a lovely little girl but it took a couple of years before I was able to really love her. She was so well-behaved and just fitted in, one day the children had all been playing up and I remember she got the smack. She ran upstairs shouting at me that I loved the boys more than her and I stood shocked that she thought that and maybe she was right. She was a child, a beautiful child. I went upstairs and hugged her and cried as I apologised. It was like a new birth for us. I began to really love her from that moment on. Today, I don’t consider her to be any less than one of my own children, she is a great person and wonderful daughter.

My youngest son Ed, came into the world quietly, a sweet little boy until he went onto mixed feeding and we discovered he had an intolerance to lactose. Then our world shook, he was hyperactive, mischievious and adorable. If you want to know who it was who rolled the marbles under the pews at church, it was Ed… Another big learning curve for me as I fought to get him the help he needed in education. He didn’t fail, his IQ was 165, but he was so bored that he refused to do any writing. This young man went on to do a Spanish degree and who now travels round the world wherever he can teaching dance and juggling.

Once again my marriage broke up, that’s the trouble with not having a stable home life myself, I just didn’t know you had to work stuff out or choose your partners more carefully. I remarried a third time and Suzi came along. the sweetest baby you could ever have, so quiet and well behaved. She was so sensitive and was easily upset, we never had to tell her off because she was so good which was just as well, she would have been devastated. She has grown into a fine woman with strong feelings about healthy, organic living. She has been adventurous and is so tolerant, loving and thoughtful, again, I must have done something right.

By the time I had my youngest daughter, Tabitha, I reckon I was just about there. She had to have had the best of all the parenting skills I had learned. I did childcare courses as part of my work, worked with disadvantaged children and gained a great understanding of what a good parent was all about. She is Millie’s mummy who I blog about on here regularly, and  is doing a brilliant job.

I crashed through motherhood, making mistakes but thankfully learning from them, we grew together as a family, we shared meals together and talked to each other, we learned to love unconditionally and although the children went their own ways much younger than I would have liked, circumstances again, we were a close family.

Today I look at each of my children, most of whom are parents, they all make better parents than I ever did. They know so much more than I did. But best of all, considering they come from four different marriages, they are great friends and still close to each other. If one fails in any way, the others are there for them encouraging and supporting. They are all confident and great people. None of them have ever been in trouble nor caused any problems in the family. That is what I am proudest of. Each one of them is a wonderful person, together they make a close and loving family, no one falls out with anyone and they are all so good to me.

From the oldest , to the youngest, and especially including my step daughter, they have taught me how to be a good Mum. We learned as we went along. I was never afraid to listen when they told me about the things they didn’t like as they were growing up and we cried and talked it through together. I can’t change the learning mistakes I made but we can and do make sure the present and future, in this uncertain world, that we have a close and loving family… I won’t mention the laughs we have had… usually at my expense, that’s another story.

So for this Mother’s Day, I think we should all give thanks to our children who made it possible, after all our learning experiences, for us to be  celebrating this day as mothers. Thank you, David, Simon, Sam, Scott, Laura, Ed, Suzi and Tabby, for making me the most blessed mother alive!

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8 Responses so far »

  1. 3

    Jeff Silvey said,

    “If one fails in any way, the others are there for them encouraging and supporting.” It sounds like you did a really good job raising them. I wish my sibling was this supportive.

    • 4

      wordangell said,

      Thank you for popping by Jeff, families are always so difficult but I guess I tried my best because of my own dysfunctional family. I really am blessed because I know of so few families that are this close. M

  2. 5

    suz said,

    love you mum xxxxx

  3. 7

    Sam said,

    xxxxxxxxxxxx


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