Postaday2011: A busy life!

I thought that, as an older woman, retired because of ill-health, I could relax and take life easy. For a long time I have had, and I enjoyed, my own company. I had time to write and paint, do the housework, sit and meditate, cook, play in the garden and indeed anything I wanted. I thought I was happy, but was I? Somewhere in me there must have been a thought that I wanted more. My youngest daughter had a baby around eight months ago. Millie, who I have written about quite a bit, and my daughter Tabby, who has been a fantastic first time Mummy, have been such a special part of my life. However, young Millie has had yet another cold and hasn’t been sleeping that well. This morning I got a phone call from a very distressed daughter crying and telling me she doesn’t want to be a mummy any more. It broke my heart. Millie hasn’t been sleeping and in the back ground I could hear this tiny child screaming like she was really in trouble.. How hard it is to be a grandparent sometimes.

I have watched my daughter being a really great Mummy, always there for her baby, not wanting her to be distressed and crying… I reckon the ads on the TV for the NSPCC, although good, played on her mind and she was unable to let her baby cry for even a moment. However, young Millie, a very intelligent baby, sussed the situation out and got what she wanted… by crying. This morning was a crunch situation and when Tabby called me she said she could take no more. Millie needed a sleep but refused and kept on crying. I gently told my daughter that she was just demanding attention from her mummy and was actually trying to take control, but as a baby she didn’t know what she wanted.

A little test helped the situation. Millie was on the floor playing and started screaming. I asked my daughter to call her name and talk to her… Millie stopped crying and listened but started crying again,  I told Tabby to sit on the floor with her… the crying subsided. Hmmm sussed little one!

Tabby lay Millie down in her buggy and I told her to tell her it was time to sleep in a firm voice, and then rock her as she would normally, Millie screamed. Tell her again and be firm, I said. One cursory yell  to complain then she started to ‘sing’ herself to sleep. We won! More than that, Tabby realised that her baby was playing up and demanding from her Mummy without knowing what she wanted and driving her to the point of despair.

Time to take action. Daddy came home and took Millie out to her great grandparents and Mummy came home to me for a break for the first time since having the baby. It was great to have Tabby home, a little strange with out Millie but we had a great girly day. Millie got to spend more time with Daddy, which was good for both of them and when she came back later in the afternoon she was so much calmer. Once she had greeted and hugged her Mummy, Tabby handed her to me. I have been there from the moment of birth and she was quite happy with me. But most importantly my daughter realised that she doesn’t have to be there for her 24/7 and Millie wasn’t demanding so much from her Mummy.

I think from now on there will be much more flexibility. So where does this all leave me? Well, I have found another little job for me. Much as I have brought my children up to be autonomous, I have learned that I am still needed as a Mum. It is wonderful to have Maica for the day, to play and paint and cook and do silly things like play shadows behind the curtains with and now my time can also be spent with Millie too. Mummy needs a break sometimes and is now happy to leave her with me. I think it is also good for Millie too. Here’s hoping for a better relationship between them and for me to build up some wonderful Grandma time too.

Although I still have the desire to spend time on my own and do the things I enjoy, there are other people who want my time too, I help students correct their essays  and critique work from other writers, which I love doing but … I appreciate so much more that I am still needed to be a part of the younger generation and be there for my own children. Time to practice some time management I reckon….

2 Responses so far »

  1. 1

    mmccarty73 said,

    This was such a great read, I am a young grandmother so finding people my age to relate to is sometimes very dificult. While many of my friends are talking about thier pre teens or teenagers I am talking about my grandchildren. It was nice to read your post as a fellow Grandparent. Thank you so much for shaing your experience.

    • 2

      wordangell said,

      Thank you for popping by and commenting. I so understand what you mean. I was thirty eight when my first grand daughter was born, fourteen, and still counting, later, I still don’t feel like an old grandma. I have my 16 year old g’daughter coming to stay- she is Swiss, so I treasure the this time now she can travel on her own and come and see me..

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