Father’s Day Weekend

You know, Father’s day for me over the years has always been a difficult time. You see I never had my father around as I was growing up.  Father’s Day didn’t really exist when I was young. Not worked out why yet, whether it was because I didn’t have my Dad around, because we were too poor to consider such commercial extravagance or because when I was young such commercialism didn’t exist.  Whatever the reason, it wasn’t until my own children were old enough to understand this ritual was it an issue.

Year after year I sent my father a card, year after year I had no acknowledgement. It’s been the same with Mother’s Day, but that’s another story. I grew up without my father but like most things that happen when we are children, it didn’t seem to matter and it just was. I never held a grudge against my father, indeed I loved him. I used to go and see him after I was married, he had a new family and although I didn’t see much of them, it was the norm and completely acceptable. You see because there were five of us and we were such a close family, us siblings I mean, we didn’t need our Dad. I have to add, none of us were jealous or envious, we just weren’t like that and never even considered such things. I guess you had to grow up with nothing to appreciate the little things in life. We played and shared, fought and argued, but we loved each other.

I was sad when having met my sister from my Dad’s second marriage at his funeral and our relationship ended abruptly over a misunderstanding.  I had been so delighted to find her after looking for her for so many years, I looked forward to a relationship with her. After all, we shared the one common factor in my father.  My Dad was never a part in my informative years and my life evolved as I guess it had to and other people took his place, so I had no reason to feel jealous or upset with my sister in any way. Our paths in life took the way they had to and I am so glad for mine, it has led me to be the person I am today.

I am ok with who I am. I am sorry it wasn’t to be that my sister and I were to share a relationship. I would have liked that despite our different outlooks on life, but heyho, that’s life! Who I am is the person who has had a long and interesting journey into maturity and almost retirement.

This weekend has been wonderfully busy. Harry’s daughter’s have both come up and spent time with him/us. His older daughter came and spent Friday evening/ night with us. We all had breakfast together and talked and talked, had a few laughs and shared what had been going on in our lives. Then on Sunday his younger daughter came in time for our late lunch and spent the afternoon with us. Once more lots of talking and laughter. Now because of my background it might be expected that I would be jealous of his relationship with his daughters but that assumption would be so wrong.

You see over the years I have looked after many of other people’s children. I have learned a lot about people and each of our journeys through this life.  learned a long time ago that we are all on our own journeys of learning. Each one of us has our own lessons to learn, our paths cross to help us or to teach each other something we need to know. I also learned after 42 years of being a mother to eight children, that our children do not belong to us, we bring new people as babies into this world and merely nurture them, teach them and love them until it time for them to choose their own paths. We only borrow them for a short while. It is how we develop that relationship that patterns how we feature in each child’s journey in their future life. I am blessed to have a good relationship with Harry’s daughters as well as each of my own children.

My father only featured a short while in my life and I seemed to know then that was all the time we had to spend together. I had a good but distant relationship with him over the years and I knew he loved me. In fact he was the only one of my two parents that told me that. The last words I shared with him in this world were, ‘Take care of yourself, I love you’ Having spent an hour or so of my 56th birthday just sitting side by side and holding hands. Did I know this was to be our last meeting? I don’t know but even though he never acknowledged my greetings for Father’s Day, I feel sad that I no longer have him in this world to wish a Happy Father’s Day to but I am blessed with seeing the day evolve for Harry. It is all this that makes it so very precious when H has his daughter’s over and I love them as I love my own birth, and adopted, children.

Life has told me that I have missed out on so many things and if I think about the way things should have been, I do feel a little sad. But then I look at what I have today with both mine and Harry’s children and I am blessed. My own youngest daughter, recently left home, sent a card to ‘my stepdad’ and I could have cried. I am really blessed with a whole family, from different parents and families, that are absolutely fabulous people.

Oh dear, this has rambled on but  have one last thing to say… Thanks Dad! I love you…. I have just contacted my sister on-line and asked if we could start again… I am so glad that I have started another journey and I am sure our Dad had something to do with that from the other side…. I believe he is watching over us anyway… Here’s to the future!

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