A look into the past.

Today I am so incredibly excited, I know, I know, another one of those silly things that absolutely delight me but I spoke to a second cousin I didn’t know I had until Facebook got us connected. I have never known anything about my grandfather’s family and had no idea where to begin to look so I didn’t, bother I mean. Then suddenly three relatives came up and the common denominators are my Grandfather and his brothers, so far we have Charles Edward, George Albert and William Arthur, we know there are loads more siblings so this could be something big! I am looking forward to finding out the similarities in all our characteristics and traits, not to mention looks.

I have to calm down, and look at the aspect from a less objective view… My grandfather and my Nan, meant the world to me, in fact they were more of my parents and the most influential people in my life than my own parents. Everyone loved and respected them and I guess they gave me the blueprint for my life. My own family was very disfunctional and fragmented and my grandparents were the only stabilising influence in my life. I stayed, or rather lived with them for my most influential times. I feel sad that I was unable to appreciate them until after they had passed. I guess the world, maybe everyones world, is full of if only’s. I remember my mother saying to me …. or maybe it was someone else from my childhood… ‘If , ifs and ands were pots and pans, we’d have no need of tinkers’. I am sure there is more to that rhyme and at the time I never understoood the implication of its meaning. So I interpret it today as all the regrets we have that have made us who we are, have hurt us, or left us missing something are represented by things that can be fixed, mended or replaced, therefore if we had no life experience, good or bad, we would have no need of other people to come into our lives to make some sense of it all. As such then, my precious grandparents would have been null and void, so finally I see the saying as a nothing verse, nonsense that means absolutely that, nonsense. So why do we have ‘ifs and ands’? and we all do. My guess is that we all need people, someone to come into our lives at the right time to change the way we think, feel, mould our future or make us the people we are. I will always give credit to my grandparents for the person I am, they were there for me at times in my life I needed some stability. I never knew just how much they were there for me until after they were gone but… and a big but, it seems that now, after all these years, their influence is still strong because the impact of meeting people that are directly related to my grandfather is so great that I might as well be meeting him again… so that’s sad? no, for me it is a connection with him as a child, a boy growing up in a large family, a man that went to war, a man that loved his wife so much for the whole of their time together on this earth that they gave to me, the eldest daughter of their youngest son, a reason for living, an influence of something that I always longed for, love. OK my life was unstable as a child but it was the memory of my grandparents and the love that they gave to me that got me through so far, that gave me the hope and knowledge of something far more than I  ever had and now, today, that is why meeting the descendants of my grandfather’s brothers and hopefully one day, sisters, mean so very much to me. Here’s to the 1st of August when I get to meet Ted and Linda, the first of my grandfather’s family. I just know that Granddad will be with us in spirit and will guide the rest of the family together as a celebration of all of our ancestors. Here’s to meeting many many more from both my Nan’s and Granddad’s relatives. Here’s an acknowledgement of who they were and everything they gave to me and to meeting and therefore learning about the rest of the family and the influence we might still have on each other.

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