Mindless meanderings?

I always feel so guilty when I have set myself a task and fail to carry it out. Why? The only person I am letting down is me, unless it does involve someone else of course. I got to wondering and kind of figured out that, on a subconscious level, I am important. It sounds very egotistical when I read it but that isn’t at all what I mean. I choose to do things for myself that please me, I like crafts, sewing, knitting, crochet, cooking, painting and writing, to name just a few! Many of these things I do for other people’s pleasure as well as my own but even if it is something just for me, inside I get a sense of achievement, a satisfaction in the end product, of course a bit of praise helps to boost one’s ego too. So what is it that gives me the guilt when I have failed to do something I set out to do? It’s not life threatening, it doesn’t harm anyone else and nowadays when many tasks take a lot longer and are more difficult to carry out, I do have a greater sense of achievement. Somewhere deep in all of us I feel sure there is that knowledge that we are actually very important and unless we do look after our own happiness and contentment then we are in effect saying we aren’t bothered about ourselves. I believe too that if we cannot care, give a sense of achievement or even give love to ourselves, I mean we are the one spirit we all know from birth, we do fail ourselves a little,  not to give that caring is a very sad thing that robs us of a gift that should be first and foremostly automatic, loving who we are. Take for instance the sad souls that are lost in a world of drugs or alcohol, is their self loving so low that they feel the only way to deal with it is to take a course toward self destruction. Someone said to me recently they ‘don’t love themselves and therefore want to die’. I thought that a bit harsh but in reality I think it must be the extreme truth. We all like to ‘scrub up’ for a night out and as we look in the mirror on the way out , we appreciate what we have done and get a little buzz from it. I believe that is the subconscious patting us on the back for loving ourselves enough to do that, to appreciate what we can acheive, to love ourselves. So I wonder if the guilt I was feeling for not having written my blog was my subconscious telling me I am slipping and wasting time on other things when I have not kept a promise to myself… small as it is.  Anyway it has given me something to think about and as a kind of retribution I shall write another entry following this rather boring piece of philosophy from the meandering thoughts that run through my head from time to time.


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