Am I sad?

I think I am very sad these days, I mean getting excited about finding a book with all the recipes for natural stuff for house cleaning and gardening for one but now I am into making lists. I have many bugs in the garden and to know what kills them without harming any important ones is a good thing right? so I am making a list of what I need to find to spray to kill what, then there’s the list for what wild plants to grow to make a good liquid manure, oh, and one for what is growing where so I don’t forget and replant with the same stuff next year, plus I need to make sure I have the plants to make insecticides too,  and that’s all without the list of things to get to really start my green cleaning and which does what and where. Someone must have some sympathy for me somewhere. My family all laugh and nod their knowing heads…. I am not stupid I can read their minds. ‘Mother’s off on another venture.’ but I am happy and that’s all important. My discovery today was pretty amazing. I ran out of fabric softener, I have since bought more but I was such a fool to waste my money. Yesterday I tried vinegar and I am completely gob smacked. Most of the washing came in softer than with the fabric conditioner, no, it didn’t smell of vinegar but it didn’t smell of fabric conditioner either. The only thing that wasn’t very soft was an old towel which never is unless it is tumble dried anyway never the less it was still softer than usual… I am very impressed. Be interesting to see what the clothes iron like. I hope to make my own washing powder shortly, just need to get the ingredients, I think it will be hard to get used to clothes not smelling like ruby? diamond? fresh air? yeah, right!

Tonight for supper all the vegetables we had came from our garden. Carrots, runner beans and peas as a mixed veg, potatoes and greens from the kohlrabi, they were superb, such a flavour. I was so excited to find that you can eat beetroot and kohlrabi leaves, especially as some of the beetroot are all leaves. Talking of which, I pulled enough of those tonight to make beetroot pickle, so yes I am excited and maybe a little sad when I remember the garden I left behind. I have never grown anything much myself I was always the garden clearer upper and tidier so even though I had to sit down to do much of it, or maybe I should say especially because, I feel so ‘fulfilled’ wish my knee worked properly and we had a bigger garden, oh the plans I would have.

I discovered many years ago the secret of having a vase of poppies in the kitchen, normally they drop as soon as you pick them but and here’s my secret, pick them before they are open just as they are about to raise their heads to reach for the sun, that way they open and last quite a while. I picked a tiny vase of flowers  for my kitchen windowsill from the bit of garden I let grow wild. Last year we had huge purple poppies but this they are red and fluffy, they have rather hidden the other plants in there but I do love them so, I picked lavender, nigella, poppies and seed heads and rosemary and as I placed them on my kitchen windowsill it transported me back to my country house kitchen. Sometimes I wonder which is worse, the longing for something you never had or the yearning to go back to a place that you loved. I don’t know the answer to that.

Tabby came back from her short holiday to Amsterdam with her boyfriend, it was nice to have her back home, she brought me back a white tulip bottle stopper, she knows her mother so well, and a little wooden clog keyring, there was one other gift but I shall leave that story for another day after I have a bit of fun with them first. It is interesting to see how her mind works, she makes me so very proud of her for the way she thinks and analyses things. They walked through the red light district and it had a very profound effect upon her. She said it made her feel strange, here were females, attractive ones at that, selling themselves. It gave her something to think about because she couldn’t get her head round why women would devaluate themselves in that way. She has strong values and ideas and seeing them made her challenge herself. What were they thinking? how does it make men think of women? How does it make other women feel? She would have loved to have the courage to talk to one to see what she was thinking,  just the very thought of someone like herself doing that was shocking to her in as much as everything women have fought for in terms of equality was wiped out. Yes it has certainly made her think. The other thing she was shocked about was the ease with which you could buy cannabis, no secretive underhanded stuff, just like buying a acket of cigarettes. She did say though that everyone was so laid back that even at midnight there were none of the fights we get over here, and there were no need for sex crimes anyway because prostitution was legal. Despite all that, bless her heart, she still thought it was wrong. Maybe I did something right when I was bringing them up.

I still think though that all the things that are important to me are so simple and silly that I must be a sad person, but you know, when I listen to my children I thank God we had that chance to bring them up in the country and with the values they have, they are all great people! So maybe it isn’t so sad after all, maybe my values may not be other people’s but I think they are ok.

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