Triffid

My garden is like a haven to me, it is laid out neatly as low maintenance as possible. It has a pond and shed a little water feature… well its a drain tank for the concrete path actually so I put a water pump in it and got my talented number 3 son to stack a load of stones up for the water to trickle through… at the moment it is a little forceful to say the least, it blasts the top stone off in an orbit of the garden at warp factor eight at least,  and I’d lose all the water if it was left running but you get the idea. The paths are pea shingle with stepping stones, small raised beds either side and a patio area with a stone BBQ  and the washing line…. so neat. I have planted everything in tubs to avoid the snail massacre, that means me massacreing them. I have become a heartless murderess, especially as I inspect my precious Hostas day and night then to come down in the morning to find something has dined exceptionally well on their succulent leaves. They are pretty stupid creatures though, they think they can hide in their little shells by sticking to the fence or the wall nearby but I know their little secrets. Harry is all for the salt treatment but I think that is downright cruel and that it is far quicker and humane to meet a sudden end under a wellie. hehee see how hard a woman I have become, I have had many a man turn up their noses and shudder unable to even think of it …. It must mean I have an alkaline soil to have more snails than slugs….. and apart from the massacre ritual it is all growing so well.

When we first moved in here I had a very small spiky plant , well I had two but one met its end for some unknown reason, this one stayed in its pot but failed to thrive very well so I decided to plant it in the garden to see if it would grow better. To our joy it did, but then it never stopped. It grew and we thought ah lovely, it grew some more and we thought ok, we could cut it down if it gets too big then once it had grown nearly as tall as us it became Harry’s ‘baby’. It is now over 8 feet tall. Earlier back in May there appeared a strange alien type thing that sprouted from the top, that too grew and grew until this huge growth decided to droop over the path and sprout millions of tinywhite flowers. If I spread my arms wide I would not reach the sides of it. I spoke to a horticulture friend of ours and he did some research, it appears to be a Cordyline Australis and is set to grow to over 30 feet…. So much for a little pot plant, when we bought it the guy was so careful about telling us how to nurture it, maybe I should have it might have stayed a baby longer. This is definitely of triffid ancestry, here threatening to take over the whole of my garden. I swear it has secret lives too. As you walk by it there is a loud buzzing and gets louder if you touch it. Either it is communicating with outer space or there are things lurking in there totally invisible from view. Not sure which I prefer really.

Right next to it is some fennel which was also pretty paltry to look at from the time I planted it and earlier this year I nearly dug it up in disgust after it failed to grow more than one frond since last year. The triffid has spoken! the fennel is now only half the size of the tree and still growing… What is going on out there. I only hope that the seeds and plants I am growing take heed and produce something edible of a reasonable size…. I’d have a word with the triffid but I really don’t want to get on a wrong footing with it. Who knows what could happen out there.

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